Relationship for dummies

Lately two types of relationship are becoming very common, none of them healthy. Not to step on anybody’s toes, we are not talking about kinks here. Kinks are many and if it’s done with consent that no matter what games you play, it’s your and your partner business.

Now relationship number one – very unhealthy pattern of mommies and daddies.

It’s the social norm now – one of partners is mature one, the other is not. One partner takes all the responsibility, the other is a parasite sucking the life force out. Men are looking for an older woman, preferably with the kid already so he will not have to take responsibility even in that department. They bring money into the family, most of the time not that much, and am older woman takes care of them. She cleans, cooks, tells him what to do, the man becomes just another baby. He is looking for a replacement of his own mother and eventually loses the last of his independence. What kind of healthy relationship including sec can you have with a copy of your mother?

Practically same applies to daddies. Rich often powerful men, marry silly little girls who play the role of their daughter/doll for their amusement. They get the money out of it, but often not even that. They just don’t want to take responsibility for anything. Men in such relationship are forced to take care of everything – they drive the car, bring money in the family, do repairs and pay the bills. The woman cries a lot, has no opinion and has to resort to manipulations and subtle hints to get what she wants. A lot of young women think this is the best relationship ever – “I want to feel safe and protected with him”. There is no equality in this relationship and men often say that such type of wives are boring, they have nothing to talk about. Of course there is nothing to talk about – set shop toys also can’t have a conversation and this is what you are getting.

Relationship type number two is even worse in my opinion, it’s even more parasitic. There’s no love or any type of positive feeling in this one. Just one partner using the other for gain and “suffering” them until they got what they wanted or the money ran out. It’s basic marketing relationship – a buyer acquires a milking cow. When the cow ran out of milk or no longer needed, the cow is quickly discarded. The parasite in this relationship often uses brainwashing to attain their goals – they will tell everybody that their love is pure and strong when in reality there is no love at all. There will also be subtle comments to lower self-esteem of their partner. “You will never find someone as good as me to love you as strong as I do”.

In conclusion none of it is healthy, one is having Dec with your parent, the other is whoring yourself out. The only healthy relationship is when two partners have positive feelings towards each other, they both contribute in the relationship if not equally than close to it and they are not using each other.

What to see in Barcelona

We visited Barcelona multiple times but if you only have a day or two these are must see!

Park Guell, absolutely gorgeous garden, though if it’s summer better come early since it’s easy to get sunburnt. Buy tickets in advance to visit main attractions in the park otherwise if you buy them in the morning you can only visit at 7 pm. If you are in a hurry or don’t want to spend money, entrance to the park is actually free – and there is a nice sightseeing spot at the very top. Plus check out musicians – they are at every corner. After you go down to the main street – to the right there is a gorgeous restaurant that serves awesome breakfast! Coffee and yogurt was so good! Next of course is Sagrada Familia, but tickets online in advance as well, otherwise a huge line awaits you! You’ll need at least couple of hours for the park and at least two hours for Sagrada, more if you visit the towers as well! (which is more expensive). Gothic quarter is a must see, you’ll need at least half of the day. Check very carefully if you want to visit the cathedral – the timetable is very tricky and last time they didn’t list us enter because we were wearing shorts. So too much skin and they might not let you in! Though you can always buy skirts and scarves nearby. They are super expensive!))) The museum of Picasso is also there but maybe leave it for another day! Again buy tickets in advance for Picasso! From there you can easily reach the beach, though we didn’t like it – changing rooms are only in the middle for a lot of money and water was dirty. Also don’t eat in the nearby restaurants – the food is so much better in the center! If you have an extra day – take a train from Plaza Espanya to Montserrat. Be sure to get up extra early. While the cathedral in there is gorgeous there is always a line to see an icon so we recommend to go for a hike in the mountains instead. Take a lot of water with you and umbrella to not get a sunburn! The only place to eat is near cathedral – there is a cafe in the souvenir shop but there is also a much better restaurant in the only hotel. If you have any energy left – plaza Espanya is gorgeous, though don’t visit the museum – the tickets are expensive! Though the cafe serves yummy fruits inside! Just a precaution – beware of pickpockets especially on the Rambla Street and train stations!

Fresh snow is turning everything into a fairy tale! A true winter wonderland! Winter in Russia is not easy. It’s really dark all of December, there is dirt, the roads that are famously very bad already become even worse and the temperature is jumping from plus 3C to – 30C! The salt eats your expensive winter shoes and if you bought a cheap pair you’ll destroy them in a month.  But sometimes fresh snow falls, kids all go outside to play in the snow, there is no wind and it’s warm for winter. And you can finally say – I love winter! 

Sergeev Posad

Very famous place in Russia and less then an hour by train or car from Moscow.  Historical churches that were luckily never destroyed during Soviet period.  Inside the frescos are fantastic! You can’t take pictures unfortunately but at least enjoy the view. Plus of course very famous Russian painted Rublev – couple of icons done by him are in Uspenskii cathedral. Unfortunately there is always a huge line – so come on weekdays and when it’s warm and prepare to wait! You can also collect water – it’s very clean and yummy and if you forget you can buy plastic bottles for it. Unfortunately it’s another line to get it.  When you are completely tired and ready to go – grab some yummy monastery bread – it’s fantastic! 

P. S. Toilets are for free right before the entrance to the monastery, they are clean but traditional! 🙂 

Narcissistic parents 

This is a blog for my art and I was going to keep it that way but lately I find that I want to talk about this issue and if even one person reads this and it helps it will be amazing! 

There are many many videos and articles about narcissism but most of them are for USA people.  The thing is USA is the leader and they enjoyed peace and prosperity for some time. World War Two and Soviet period – it produced whole generations of narcistic parents – poverty, famine, fear for your life, it’s all makes it hard to worry about emotional wellbeing of your kids – they are robbed of their childhood and learn that in order to get love that need to manipulate and pretend. 

Both of our grandmothers were narcistic and heaped a huge load of abuse, physical and emotional on their kids – our parents. 

The thing though that makes it so hard to fight narcistic abuse is that it’s a cult. Our parents are in their sixties and yet they jump like well trained dogs at every order they are given. You are brainwashed from a very young age that only narcissist matters, he or she is the leader of the cult and the rest of the family are worshipping at his/hers altar.  

It’s even worse because it’s your parents – you love them and it’s hard to set limits – you are trained to love them since birth! 

Another thing about Russia is that it’s an Asian country-there is no equality, the society is very male dominated and women purpose is to pop up kids and take care of her husband needs. You are also taught to take care of your parents and provide for them because the pension they receive from government is barely enough for food.  

So society tells you to worship and obey your parents, your parents manipulate you into blind obedience and love and your grandparents make sure to drill the fact that you don’t matter right in your scull.  

If you are lucky you realise it’s not healthy and try to heal but many young adults don’t know it’s not supposed to be that way and continue the same vicious pattern. Three or four generations suffering from narcistic abuse. 

So what to do if you suspect your parents are narcissists? First – find out as much as you can about it. 

Second – move out! If you have even a slight chance to move from your parents – take it! And it will not be easy – narcissist needs you near, at his/her feet, being pathetic and feeding their needy ego.  Our mother spend the whole year making sure we would not move out – she even got sick just to keep us subdued! Moving out, despite all of the drama, was the best thing that we did in our lives. 

Third, that’s gonna be even worse – you need to set boundaries, set limits to what you allow them to do and since breaking boundaries and invading your privacy is what they do, you need to repeat the process again and again. 

Fourth, we call it virtual parents.  You are out and yet there is still a voice in your head telling you exactly what to do sounding just like your parents.   It’s your brainwashing and you need to fight it 24/7! The practice of meditation and mindfulness is really great in that regard but don’t get upset if you can’t fight it all the time.  Flashbacks are completely normal! In fact every time we visit parents for longer than a day – we reverse into bad habits. 

Fifth, find out what you like to eat, do, wear. You’ve been controlled for so long, and it was such a tight leash, now that you are free, you don’t know what to do. It’s fine. Scary but you can do it – it just needs time and patience. 

Sixth, you are the most important person in your life – we are still struggling with this and with self esteem because all your life you are taught that you don’t matter. As they say – put your oxygen mask first, then help others! I don’t have much advice for this except for reverse brainwashing – tell yourself everyday that you matter,  that you are a good person, that you deserve love and that you love yourself.  That’s all I can think of and if you have any advice on that front – let us know in the comments! 

And last, if you can, cut them out.  We were not brave enough to do that,  but the first and most important advice everybody gives you – get out.  Stop communicating and get out from abusif relationship, be it your parents or friends or husband /wife! They are spiders just waiting to stuck you back in their web, so get out! 

P. S.  Hope it helps even a little bit! And yes, everything, even the small things are a hard won battle, but be proud that you are fighting, be proud of your victories and kind to yourself when you fail.  You are amazing and you matter! 

P. P. S. Sorry for a copy paste mistake! The moment I noticed I thought I can’t even do this right, that’s my brainwashing talking, I had to remind myself I don’t have to be perfect, mistakes are allowed! Be kind to yourself! All the love to you! 

Picture this: my grandma stories – dttwins – Original Work [Archive of Our Own]
Picture this: small village under Mogilev. Very primitive houses no toilets no electricity. This is where our grandma was born in 1939. One of the ways to earn money -a farm nearby or very cheap manual labor such as gathering herbs. The village is already rather poor but then Germans march trough and real devastation begins. Men are captured, gathered like cattle, put on a train, they don’t know what’s going to happen to them, if they will be killed. It’s couple of days just to walk to the train. When the family tries to throw food to prisoners-it’s their husbands or fathers -they are often shot. Even small kids. When great grandfather was taken he screamed: “Marina! Don’t throw food! Save the kids! “. He and his friend try to escape – they jump from speeding train, climbing out the window. Aleksei jumps after his friend and lands badly-broken ribcage.
They hide men any way they can – their father hiding in the cellar with Germans right there in their house. If he is found the whole family ( 4 young kids) will be shot. With no medical care he slowly dies. If a soldier dies the family get a small compensation -a cow or something like that so the family has a way to survive. If you get captured you are branded a traitor. Nobody cares if you die or if your family will survive. They are left with nothing. Grandmother still a little girl is brought to him, told to look at him, try to remember his face. Later she is devasted she couldn’t.


On a little island next to Spain called Majorka there is a very nice national park far away from airport called Mandrago. It has 5 trails but only two of them following the sea are good – number three and number two. The water is seethrough and the colors are something fantastic! It’s perfect for a day trip though staying longer is not recommended – the village nearby is rather boring, no normal cafes and it’s better to order taxi back in advance – we had to pay one euro in a pub for them to call taxi for us:)